donpiano

• It turns you into two people: one of you's very nice, you'll go up to complete strangers and say, "Come in, come in, sit down, for God's sake, have something. Have my bed." And then you'll go up to people you've known and loved all your life and say, "Get the fuck out of my house. Go on, get out! And leave a tip!"

~ On whiskey

• The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara thinner. "Nobody likes my shoes! I made... I made fifty... fucking vol-au-vents, and not one of you... not one of you... said "Thank you."" And my favourite: "Everybody, shut up. Shut up! This song is all about me."

~ On the effects of gin

Nu kan jag samla på mig vuxenpoäng. Jag har på äldre dar gått över från marabou till anthon berg. från snabbchoklad till schweiziskt. efter detta kommer inget bli detsamma igen. jag är för evigt frälst. amen.

Manny's First Day (1.2)

Bernard [about the job]: The pay's not great, but the work is hard.

The Big Lock-Out (1.5)

Bernard: [To Manny] You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

The Fixer (2.3)

Bernard: I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.

Party (3.6)

Bernard: I tell you what, we are going to this party, because I'm trying to picture this "girl" who "likes you" and all I can see is you in a dress.

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